Elevate Yourself with Good Manners

Manners Maketh Man

–William of Wykeham

Manners speak a language of respect. Respect is critical to holding relationships together. Whether it be a relationship with a customer, supplier or internal team member, manners matter.  

Years ago I remember hearing a quote, “The functioning society is built on only 10 percent laws, but 90 percent manners”. I wish I could find the exact quote and give attribution. The point is that to function better as a society, we do not need more rules or laws. We need better manners. This is certainly true in the workplace as well. Here are ten examples of manners we all may need to work on.

Don’t be Late:

I live in the midwest where coach Vince Lombardi’s legend approaches the mythical. Coach said that if you are not fifteen minutes early, you are late. We call it “Lombardi Time”. I remember my dad set his watch ahead fifteen minutes and operated on that time. Needless to say, he was never late.

Being late is a blatant disregard and disrespect for those who are waiting on you. It is a horrible habit. When you are on-time all the time, you will be regarded as respectful, prepared and professional.

Be Humble:

Arrogance is a big put-off. People love those who are confident, but despise those who are arrogant. The difference is often a bit of humility. In order to be confident without being cocky, be teachable and recognize that you don’t know everything. Know your weaknesses and don’t be afraid to admit them. Look to give credit and compliment those all around you that contribute to your team’s success. Admit your mistakes and accept the critique that comes with them.

Say Please, Thank You and You’re Welcome:

Sometimes when I am visiting a client or patronizing a place of business I am stunned at how rude workers can be with each other. Now, they may not be mean, angry or agitated, but their communications may be interpreted that way. Speak to others the way you want to be spoken to. Better yet, speak to others the way they want to be spoken to. Please, thank you and you’re welcome are foundational words that well-mannered people use frequently. Also, make sure your tone reflects respect too.  When a coworker does an unpleasant job, say thank you and make sure they know you appreciate it.  Don’t forget the boss. A simple thank you for their efforts makes a big impact.

Take out the trash:

I mean this both literally and metaphorically. First, let’s explore the literal. In the course of our day we make messes and create garbage and generally leave a debris field in our wake. Pay attention to the messes you make and clean up after yourself. Even better, clean up after others too. Leaders know the power of being willing and doing the most undesirable tasks.  

Metaphorically, we also leave messes in our wake. Even the most well-meaning and well-mannered will offend and ruffle some feathers from time to time. No matter what the situation, it is important to circle back and make things right with whom we have offended.

Detach from your cell phone: 

Don’t give your cell phone more attention than the people you are with. We all have our devices nearby, and these days there is a nearly constant string of notifications that can grab our attention. Frequently looking at your phone, and worse fussing with your phone, show that the people you are with are unimportant to you. Leave your phone in your pocket or bag.  

Now if you do have important business that you are expecting (like your wife or daughter is nine months pregnant), then explain the situation to your group so they don’t assume that your interests lie elsewhere.

Watch what you say or print on-line:

Today there is a digital record of everything you say and do online. Every few weeks or months there is a scandal about what an athlete, politician or celebrity posted on social media. The same thing happens to people everyday in a smaller, but perhaps just as damaging, way. Before you press that button, be sure you are saying what you want to say today and forever. Never post in anger and always proofread your posts. Many relationships have been shattered by thoughtless posts that will never fade away.

Don’t Be Selfish:

I get it. We work to pay our bills and build a better life for ourselves. But, if you are putting your personal goals above that of your team, you will fail. Everyone knows when someone is “out for themselves”, and it undermines your team’s cohesion and eventually it’s performance. If you are not committed to your group’s goals, you may be a cancer on your team.  

Make Good Eye Contact:

It is really important to make eye contact when having conversations. Good eye contact shows social confidence and respect for those with whom you are speaking. This does not mean you should have a staring contest. Instead, establish eye contact in introductions. In the first few minutes of your conversation, you should have about 70% eye contact and 30% looking elsewhere. As your conversations progresses you should settle in at about 50/50. Also, be careful of what you look at when looking away. Are you checking your watch frequently? Are you glancing frequently at another party? These indicate to others that they do not interest you. That is bad manners.

Avoid Foul Language:

George Carlin’s 7 Dirty Words was a sensation for the comic. These were the 7 words you would never hear on broadcast television, and he made a very popular comedic monologue out of them. That said, foul and dirty language have no place in polite society. It always shows disrespect for those around you and also shows lack of self-respect. I have heard some excuse their bad language as “keeping it real”. This is no excuse at all and continues to reflect poorly on the speaker. It is much more powerful to have a broad and proper vocabulary with which to express yourself.

Apologize:

We all make mistakes. Yes. we all make mistakes and therefore we all need to apologize. The words, “I’m sorry” are two of the most difficult words to put together. But first, you need to admit to yourself and those that you offended that you were wrong. The only way to maintain relationships, business and otherwise, is to apologize when you wrong another. A sincere apology will go a long way to healing the offense. Do it right away. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be and the less effect it will have. Do it in writing. Just like thank you notes, taking the time to write an apology will go further than just speaking words.

Good manners are foundational elements to having good etiquette. You will find it easier to get along with people, lead people, and develop relationships that matter both personally and professionally. A polite, considerate person makes a great impression and makes a positive mark on the world. Step up your manners game and watch as you become a more respected and influential member of your business and social networks.